Just saying!

I AM ABOUT TO TEAR MY HAIR OUT. I AM FALLING APART, DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO AND AM STARTING TO LOSE IT. I MESSED UP ON A LIFE DECISION AND I FEEL LIKE I AM PAYING FOR IT. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIfe as of today!

DEC:

For starters I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

I just took my first my first final which I am sure I did not do so great. I have three more to go and then I am done for the semester. It will be nice to sit back, recollect and get ready for spring semester. I am crossing my fingers for B's this semester, it was a stressful one.

Danny and I are awesome. We had a long talk the other day and could not be better. I love him with all my heart and am very happy that he is the one that I will be spending the rest of my life with. Plus he promise that this Christmas there will be a lot of cuddling with hot coco and movies. Knows one way to my heart. LOL

So my little bro is coming for Christmas this year. I am SOOOO EXCITED. I can not wait. I get to spend time with him, take him shopping, he gets to hang with Danny and have guy time. He also gets to see the way I celebrate Christmas with the going between house for Christmas. Plus his gift this year is AWESOME. Can not wait till he gets to open it. I just want to make sure that he has the best time.

I feel kinda sad. I don't get to see my older brother, he can not get leave for Christmas, but it will be his last Christmas alone. He gets out and May and I can't wait to have my brother to where I can go see him and not have to worry about the military and crap and he can come visit and come to important events and not have to wait and get it approved.

As far as right now goes, I am okay. I am loving the weather, the holidays and spending time with friends and family. I can't wait for my journey through life. I know it will be hard, and I will have ups and downs but its okay because I am thankful and grateful for the air I breath and the minutes that I get to be alive.

Happy Holidays!!!!!!!!!!!!

School is killing!

So Danny is graduating in May of 2011 and then leaves to go to grad school where every that may be. I will still have a semester after that to finish before I can move where ever he is going. So I redid my schedule to try to graduate the same time he did so I could just go with him and be done. I would have six months to plan the wedding without the worries of being in school. But in the last week I have been looking at my schedule along with my work schedule along with the one month that I work the rodeo. I have a hard enough time keeping up with school and work now, how am I suppose to do it with five course plus the labs that go along with them while working 20 hours and one month working like 8 hour shifts at the rodeo. I will put myself in the hospital with all the stress. I know that I can not do it as bad I want to.

So today I came to the conclusion that it will be better for me to stay here, finish school as stress free as possible. All the living and working and commuting i will figure out when it get closer to that point. Who knows how this will turn out, but it is a growing point for both me and Danny in the journey of our new life together. He is so supportive and I love him so much for that.

Keeping it out of the head.

There are just so many things that I could talk about that are bothering me.

One really big one I would rather not post about but it seems to be the biggest one. I am working on keeping it out, trying to thing of the more positive things in life but it just keeps taking over my thoughts. In a nut shell, I made a huge mistake and you see, I feel as if it is haunting my thoughts. I feel that I need to do something about it so that is it laid to rest. Only thing is, if I do anything on the matter it may be a bigger mistake. So as of now I am just trying to drown it out with better thoughts. Or maybe I need to forgive myself and move one. Sometimes that is easier said than done.

To another note:

I really think that I just need to sit down and get my life together. Figure out what I really want as the outcome. Get more organized and maybe I will not feel all over the place. Even in my blogs, I feel that they are everywhere, not going in a certain directions. Just thoughts all thrown into one. But at least I am getting them out of my head and it helps me. LOL.

So today I am going to sit down and work on organizing my life. Work on get my money into order, my eating habits, working out routines, and a couple of other things. Maybe this will help my head a little more.

More to come, a goal is to blog my thoughts at least twice or three times a week. Hopefully that will help me get things off my chest and be able to concentrate more on the important things.

Thoughts wondering my head!

I am feeling pretty blah today. I don't know where to even begin. There is so much going on in my head right now it hurts. But if I wrote it all it would be pages and I would get lost in the writing. So I guess I will just write a few thoughts for today and more later.

School:

I don't know if I am just tired, or if school is getting on my nervous. I say to myself every semester that I am going to be organized, going to get my stuff done and not wait till the last minute to do everything, have time to sleep, read the stuff I need to read, but it never fails I always get behind and have to stay up all hours of the night writing stupid papers, working on projects, etc.. I don't get it why can't I just focus on school. I am taking course that are suppose to be what I am going to school for and I don't understand what is being taught. It is like I can not retain the information. I hear it in lecture or lab but then when it comes time to take the test or quiz I bam it. I am struggle in two of my classes that if I don't do better on the next exams or papers who know what grade I may get. I just want to be able to know the stuff I am being taught. I hate that I can not do well on the test, especially in an easy class like HR.

to be continued. . . .

Thoughts to come!

So I am really digging this blogger thing and have decided to start blogging about some other stuff to. It really does help when you have all this stuff going through your head and you just need to get it out but have no one to talk to about. Or sometimes I feel like I am to shy to tell someone how I feel, I feel like they may think I am complaining or just being stupid about a situation. But I have a paper that I have to write first before I start blogging away my feelings. LOL.

Hmmmm I may even start another blog about what it is like living with three guys and one other girl. May be fun!!!!!

Good Night all. Will start this blog sometime tomorrow.

\\//Out

~Jen